It Starts With An Earthquake
Birds and snakes, an aeroplane. It is, as the lyrics go, the end of the world as we know it. However I can, in all honesty say, that having seen it, I don’t feel fine. Watching it, I actually felt quite bored. I am talking about that new “world in peril” movie 2012 from Roland Emmerich, yes, another one from that guy.
Now, I may not be able to claim to be a big fan of these movies. I liked I Am Legend, Independence Day wasn’t too bad, there’s worse out there than Deep Impact, but to get the real “end of the world” movies you need to go a bit further back than the mid-to-late nineties. Beneath The Planet of the Apes (1970), The Poseidon Adventure (1972, not 2006), The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951, not 2008) and On The Beach (1959, not the 2000, made-for-TV, version) all stand out, for me, as the real “world in peril” films, the good ones. Did you start to notice something though? I was quoting the originals, not the remakes. For those out there either not aware of the originals, or who have some sort of natural objection to “old films” this may seem silly, but let me explain.
Take Deep Impact. There is a moment, on the beach, as destruction approaches. You know the moment. That is a great part. It lets you see the interesting part of world destruction, the human side. This is what makes On The Beach so special. It’s about people surviving the initial disaster and preparing for the inevitable. How about Poseidon and The Day The Earth Stood Still. Why would I pick the originals over the remakes. Well, it’s very simple, and comes in the form of three letters. C, G and I, and is similar to why I love Beneath the Planet of the Apes so much. In the remakes of these films all the action that was done with models and real people were replaced with some wiz-kid and a computer. Sure it “looks better”, but it does take all the fun out of it. At least for me. As for Beneath the Planet of the Apes, well, if you want to end the world, you don’t need CGI nanobots, you need to fade to white.
So, that’s enough about other films, let’s talk about the real reason I’m writing this, 2012. The premise of the film, for those not already aware, is that the world is going to end, as the Mayans, and apparently a lot of other people, predicted, due to a rare planetary alignment, causing unusually high solar activity. This means that in 2012, the whole world will super-heat, natural disasters will take over, and the world will be consumed by a flood of biblical proportions. No it isn’t a scientific likely hood, or even a remote possibility, so please leave your sense of disbelief at the door. Please also feel free to leave your memories of any and all previous global disaster films behind, as everything from Poseidon to Deep Impact and Volcano are in here.
The script not only blends all of the disasters from these other films in there, but also ensures that everything you expect from the story is there, the unsuccessful dad, both career- and marriage-wise, the two kids, the ex-wife and her new partner, the dog, who must be saved, and the last-minute peril all make their way in, but of course I can’t tell you how they blend in with the thoroughly unfavourable Russian man and his two, equally unfavourable boys, because that would be a spoiler, even though you can probably work it out for yourself.
The CGI in this film is both impressive, and thoroughly boring at the same time. As someone currently with a 3D modelling module at uni, I know how much hard work can go into making these things, and the detail is quite impressive. The re-used elements, the boring repetitiveness, and the fact an aeroplane can fly through some collapsing buildings, however, just take the edge off. Yes it’s shiny, but it’s not as impressive sitting back knowing that the St Peter’s Basilica is just triangles from a computer instead of a highly detailed model, or that the people falling are pixels, not eve stunt men. Real stunts and high-quality models are what made this genre acceptable, now, well, now it’s just boring.
The other problem seems to be the American leaning towards geography. Everything that happens anywhere not in the states happens around famous landmarks. The Vatican, the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio, The Eiffel Tower, the tunnel where Princess Diana died, and the fact that people from other countries all talk with over the top, stereotypical accents.
So there you have it. The film is dull, boring, too long (158 minutes, and you feel every, last, lingering second), overly-CGI’d and overly predictable. All that, however, can be summed up even better. As always, the BBFC told you all this in their rating.
Rated 12A for Sustained moderate threat and one use of strong language.
Moderate threat. That is all.
MTFBWY
