The Christmas Horror Double Feature Special

There are two “scary” films out at the moment, Paranormal Activity and The Descent 2. Paranormal Activity has been billed as the film that is super scary and will create messes in the audience’s underwear, and stop them sleeping. The Descent 2 is, as the name implies rather overtly, the sequel to The Descent. So both films should make me very worried, and should not be attempted in the same week. I ignored that, and have seen them both within the last seven days, and will throw them together in one review for you all.

Firstly Paranormal Activity. It is, as you probably already know, a low-budget film indie from debut director Oren Peli. It’s presented as a “found footage” horror, a la Blair Witch, and follows a young couple, Micah and Katie, one of whom, Katie, claims to have been haunted since she was young. She believes that this presence has followed her an d Micah to their new home, so Micah goes out and buys a video camera to film the happenings. We are treated to gradually increasing events from this demon leading to an ending with a title card implying that perhaps there is a truth in this story.

Paranormal Activity Poster

I will clarify now that this is a “true story” in the same way that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Blair Witch project was a true story. That is, of course, not at all. You get the time stamped screen, the fuzzyness, the whole Blair Witch feel with scanning the screen to look for what it is that’s coming next. I make it sound like it’s all been done before and is all slightly boring. There’s a reason for that, that’s how I saw the film.

There are some jumpy moments, and I can see how it is that people are so scared by this film. It’s set in a home, in a bedroom, and that is something a lot of people can relate to. It seems real, it lets you push away some of the less convincing elements, like Katie’s back story, and is better, with the subtle sound cues and cuts, than any of the recent gore-fest “horror” that we have seen of late, but the problem is, I wasn’t scared.

I like being scared, I wanted to be scared, and I could see why I should be scared, but I wasn’t. My housemate saw the film and was genuinely concerned afterwards, confirming with me that there was no truth behind it, and generally very jumpy, and so have many people I have spoken with or read about with this film, and so I feel that I am missing something. Perhaps it is simply that I like horror films, watch them a fair bit, and so know the tricks and they don’t quite work as well, or maybe I am just missing something.

I shall save my final verdict for after I discuss the second film in this double feature, The Descent 2. The sequel to the British original that picks up exactly where the first left off, assuming you watched the American cut. Continuing a story, however, does not mean a continue of form. The thing that really got me with the original was the emotional investment you had with the characters.

The complicated back story, the tension between the friends, all lending greatly to the way the film worked. If anything the action went down hill after the evil creatures showed up. The first film, however, dealt with the creatures very well and the film was still able to scare. With the second film, the single survivor is found, and promptly taken back to the cave from whence she came, after a small story re-cap, and we all know what awaits her. Even if her short-term amnesia means she doesn’t.

The Descent: Part 2 Poster

The problem with this film is simple. It assumes that because you had the emotionally investment in the first film, that will carry over to almost an entire set of new characters, and it can just jump in with lots of blood, guts and gore. Lots of blood, guts and gore. In fact, allow me to refer to our good friends the BBFC to explain quite what that means.

The film also contains strong images of gory violence, including the graphic and bloody sight of a mutant creature’s head being drilled into, mutant head being crushed under a rock, a human biting into the throat of a creature, blades being stabbed bloodily into the creatures skin and a human character’s wrist being repeatedly hacked at in very bloody fashion.

So yes, this is quite definitely an 18 certificate film with plenty of things to keep the gore hounds entertained, but very little in the way of actual story, or indeed character development, to allow for real scares to come our way. The sound is well used, with the sudden noises to accompany a creature’s appearance getting jumps from the audience, but besides the jumping and the gore, this film does little in the way of true “horror”.

So there you have it, two very different ways to do horror. Well, I say very different, the ending shots are very similar. Almost exactly the same shot, but the way you get there differs. One is in a house, another in caves. One relies on trying to scare you properly, which I admire greatly, and one goes for as many things that might scare you as possible and hopes something does, not so admirable.

Both films offer something for certain audiences, be it the gore hounds or those who want to be scared. Unfortunately I found neither to be truly scary, although I still feel Paranormal Activity holds something that I may be missing. If you like being scared, Paranormal Activity holds something for you. If it doesn’t scare you, chances are you will either enjoy the screaming audience, or at least appreciate how it tries to scare you. The Descent: Part 2 holds plenty for gore hounds, and some jumpy moments, but not a great deal more.

Both Paranormal Activity and The Descent: Part 2 are out in cinemas, Paranormal Activity carries a 15 certificate, The Descent: Part 2 an 18.

MTFBWY

Times Are A’Changin’

Think back to times gone. There were times when you could guarantee that if a game had a solid story, was innovative, or if a film was going to keep you entertained throughout then it would do well. If there was something re-hashed or boring about these things they would be ignored. From what’s happened in the past month or so, however, these times are clearly over.

In the gaming world we’ve had Call of Nature: Recent Battles 4 breaking records for sales. Twiglet: Old Snack has been setting new levels for midnight viewings and 2012 has been at the top of box offices. We’ve just seen the release of Terminator Salivation on DVD last week, and Transformers: Revenge of the Robots in Disguise who Fell Over out tomorrow we can expect to see them flying off the shelves.

Now I know good films have done well. Good games also sell, but it’s one thing saying that people will go to the cinema and see things like The Men Who Stare at Goats or Fantastic Mr, Fox, even Up in 2D. They will pick up something like Moon on DVD, and grab Lucidity or Left 4 Dead 2 to play on, but these films and games haven’t been making headlines for massive sales, unlike some things that are not only worse, but in some cases completely terrible.

Take a look at the aforementioned war game. There is maybe a 5 or 6 hour single-player campaign. The story is poorly told, it’s not a bad story, it just takes digging to find it, it doesn’t do anything special and it is a sequel to a spin-off of a sequel. Sure there’s a massive multi-player aspect, but with a stupidly inflated price-point, it shouldn’t be setting records for sales. But it is. Twiglet is a film based on books. It’s been almost universally criticised and yet it set the record for most takings on the first day. 2012 beat it in the week’s box office, and as you can read here, it really wasn’t anything special, at least not as far as I was concerned.

I suppose we should be thankful for small mercies, in that the top 10 films of the year only features one “comic book” movie. Although that film is Wolverine: Organs and not actually a good film. Of course, comics haven’t been free of rubbish this year. With most of Marvel’s lines featuring Wolverine at some point and Batman going severely downhill following Batman R.I.P. everything I love seems to be going downhill.

Greatness is still out there. I can still see it, mostly, and the people who want to see things that are good still can. But as soon as a big blockbuster or a sequel, to a spin-off, of a sequel of a remake happens to appear in the cinema or on the shelves, this originality, this masterful story-telling, is all ignored.

It’s a shame, but maybe one day I will see a good foreign film, like The White Ribbon, at my local multiplex. Perhaps people will stop going to see Michael Bay films to gawk at Megan Fox (who can’t act.) Maybe.

MTFBWY

City Bus Simulator – 2010

Now, I wasn’t planning to review this game, mainly because I don’t review games I haven’t played, and what I did in Bus Sim was far from playing, but a conversation I had at university today changed my opinion of this game entirely, and I can now say that this game has risen amazingly in my list of games I like.

Bus Simulator Screenshot

The premise of City Bus Simulator 2010 is quite simple. You are Carlos, and you are a bus driver. You drive what is, apparently, a famous bus route, the M42 along 42nd Street in Manhattan. You drive a “realistic” bus along the street, and indeed some side streets, and pick up passengers, as bus drivers tend to do. There is also a service vehicle, and a tutorial mission to help you learn the ropes. Along with the tutorial comes, of course, a free-roam mode, some stand-alone missions, and a campaign.

All sounds great fun, and I bet you can’t wait to get stuck in. Let me explain a few issues I encountered. I couldn’t play the campaign. Now, I may be doing something wrong, and it may have just been an issue with my install, but I couldn’t get in the vehicle to start the first part of the campaign. Just a small snag, I could play the same mission as a stand-alone task without the story line. Although the idea of a “non-violent” campaign that is an “interactive crime story” does sound quite fun.

How New York Appears in Bus Sim

Now, however, I want to explain the exciting part of this game. The bit that makes this game a true great. In the game, or at least in the version I played, everyone spoke German. I have English subtitles, all my menus were English, but the people spoke German. “What’s so great about that?” I hear my reader cry, well it means this isn’t the Manhattan we think it is. This game is, in fact, set in a special Manhattan. This game is about what would have happened if Germany had won World War II.

“Are you sure it isn’t just something that will be fixed in a patch?” you ask. Of course not, because that is not all. There is no in-game map, no arrows on the road, you are sent out in your bus or service vehicle with no directions, just simply some instructions. German Efficiency has been brought to this game, and if you don’t know what it is you’re doing, then tough. You shall be taken behind the sheds and be shot.

There are side-roads here, but I kept running into invisible barriers, proof that the Germans don’t like their drivers running around willy-nilly. This is a game set in an America that the Nazis rule, and it is done so in a very subtle fashion. The controls didn’t all have defaults either. You silly capitalists, wanting everything handed to you. You will work for your fun.

An Audi driving the streets of Manhattan

You will notice the German cars driving the streets, The efficiency with which these cars drive is clearly more German than American, and there are these sirens, but they never seem to get any closer, and none of the emergency vehicles ever have their lights flashing. Of course being a German game, from TML Studios they couldn’t explicitly mention the Nazis, or show swastikas, but all the signs are there.

For those interested in the specs of the game, and purchasing, The game has minimum requirements of :

2.0 GHz Core 2 Duo, AMD Athlon MP multicore processor or comparable

Windows® Vista / XP, DirectX® 9.0c

RAM: Windows® XP 1 GB , Windows® Vista 2 GB

Graphics Card: Nvidia GeForce 86xx or a comparable ATI-Graphics Card

Installations-Size: 3.0 GB

And can be purchased both from the main website here, and from Amazon (UK).

As a simulator that you can pick up and play, this game doesn’t seem that great, I wouldn’t describe it as fun, there’s definitely a problem if you don’t know Manhattan that well, and there are a few small problems. But for a studio to make a game that is not only a simulator, but a simulator set in a world where the Nazis won the war and run the American buses, it’s great.

So there you have it, City Bus Simulator 2010, set in the near future, and about Germany winning World War II.

MTFBWY

Thanks to Simon for helping this idea develop.

That Chat, About That Level

Recently, you have been unable to move without people talking about a certain game, mainly because of a certain level in it. Now, I don’t own this aforementioned game, but I have had a go, I have played that level, and I have to admit that I’m not really that bothered by it.

Now, you undoubtedly know what I’m talking about. It’s that new game that’s about warfare, in a fairly modern setting. It is a sequel, to a spin-off of a popular gaming series, and it just so happens that in this game there is a level where, as part of the campaign, you have to go to a place of air travel and shoot some people who are considered “innocents”. Now, I am refraining from naming the game, partly for comedic effect, but mainly because the game has received so much publicity for this level that I really don’t want to give them any more. Let’s be honest, that’s the only reason this level really exists.

OK, so this supposedly sets up the whole game, it could have been done with an FMV, but this is a better way to get you interested, and it is more fun. Marginally. Now, this has been described, almost exclusively in the non-gaming press and media, as you playing as a terrorist. This is not only a lie, it proves that they haven’t played the game. You are an under-cover, black-ops agent, infiltrating a terrorist organisation. It just so happens that in the act of infiltrating, you get dragged into an act of terrorism.

Within the game, it is possible to skip the level, it is also possible to complete the level without killing any of the unarmed civilians. This just reeks of cowardice on the part of the developers. It’s the same as a film maker putting a scene in the film, then flashing up a little message that says it’s OK if you don’t want to watch this. Like having an entirely optional chapter in your book. It implies that what you have is just tacked on, and of no importance. The problem is that the mission is, in essence, an important part of the story. So whilst this mission could draw you in to the game, instead Infinty Ward see fit to take you out. Also it’s the fact this level comes after a James-Bond-esque snowmobile chase. That’s a laughable change of theme.

You can shout from the rooftops about how violent games turn people into murders. You can yell at Infinity Ward for putting in a “terrorist level”, but you will miss the real problem. The level is there to get a response from the player. You are supposed to have an emotional reaction to being asked to kill innocents, and hats off for trying to do that. There is, however, a problem. The level was ruined. You can skip it, you can not take part, and you will still get through. So whilst the inclusion of the level could have been great, could have had me thinking it was special, the implementation is poor. It’s not a good level, and certainly not worthy of all this coverage and public outcry.

Oh, and for £50 or thereabouts, I want more than a 5/6 hour campaign. Yes you give me an “expansive multiplayer”, but you don’t tell me how much that’s worth, you offer a real campaign. So no, I’m not going to rush out and buy this game, unlike every other gamer seems to have.

Now, can we not talk of this game, or level, again?

MTFBWY

It Starts With An Earthquake

Birds and snakes, an aeroplane. It is, as the lyrics go, the end of the world as we know it. However I can, in all honesty say, that having seen it, I don’t feel fine. Watching it, I actually felt quite bored. I am talking about that new “world in peril” movie 2012 from Roland Emmerich, yes, another one from that guy.

Now, I may not be able to claim to be a big fan of these movies. I liked I Am Legend, Independence Day wasn’t too bad, there’s worse out there than Deep Impact, but to get the real “end of the world” movies you need to go a bit further back than the mid-to-late nineties. Beneath The Planet of the Apes (1970), The Poseidon Adventure (1972, not 2006), The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951, not 2008) and On The Beach (1959, not the 2000, made-for-TV, version) all stand out, for me, as the real “world in peril” films, the good ones. Did you start to notice something though? I was quoting the originals, not the remakes. For those out there either not aware of the originals, or who have some sort of natural objection to “old films” this may seem silly, but let me explain.

Take Deep Impact. There is a moment, on the beach, as destruction approaches. You know the moment. That is a great part. It lets you see the interesting part of world destruction, the human side. This is what makes On The Beach so special. It’s about people surviving the initial disaster and preparing for the inevitable. How about Poseidon and The Day The Earth Stood Still. Why would I pick the originals over the remakes. Well, it’s very simple, and comes in the form of three letters. C, G and I, and is similar to why I love Beneath the Planet of the Apes so much. In the remakes of these films all the action that was done with models and real people were replaced with some wiz-kid and a computer. Sure it “looks better”, but it does take all the fun out of it. At least for me. As for Beneath the Planet of the Apes, well, if you want to end the world, you don’t need CGI nanobots, you need to fade to white.

So, that’s enough about other films, let’s talk about the real reason I’m writing this, 2012. The premise of the film, for those not already aware, is that the world is going to end, as the Mayans, and apparently a lot of other people, predicted, due to a rare planetary alignment, causing unusually high solar activity. This means that in 2012, the whole world will super-heat, natural disasters will take over, and the world will be consumed by a flood of biblical proportions. No it isn’t a scientific likely hood, or even a remote possibility, so please leave your sense of disbelief at the door. Please also feel free to leave your memories of any and all previous global disaster films behind, as everything from Poseidon to Deep Impact and Volcano are in here.

The script not only blends all of the disasters from these other films in there, but also ensures that everything you expect from the story is there, the unsuccessful dad, both career- and marriage-wise, the two kids, the ex-wife and her new partner, the dog, who must be saved, and the last-minute peril all make their way in, but of course I can’t tell you how they blend in with the thoroughly unfavourable Russian man and his two, equally unfavourable boys, because that would be a spoiler, even though you can probably work it out for yourself.

The CGI in this film is both impressive, and thoroughly boring at the same time. As someone currently with a 3D modelling module at uni, I know how much hard work can go into making these things, and the detail is quite impressive. The re-used elements, the boring repetitiveness, and the fact an aeroplane can fly through some collapsing buildings, however, just take the edge off. Yes it’s shiny, but it’s not as impressive sitting back knowing that the St Peter’s Basilica is just triangles from a computer instead of a highly detailed model, or that the people falling are pixels, not eve stunt men. Real stunts and high-quality models are what made this genre acceptable, now, well, now it’s just boring.

The other problem seems to be the American leaning towards geography. Everything that happens anywhere not in the states happens around famous landmarks. The Vatican, the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio, The Eiffel Tower, the tunnel where Princess Diana died, and the fact that people from other countries all talk with over the top, stereotypical accents.

So there you have it. The film is dull, boring, too long (158 minutes, and you feel every, last, lingering second), overly-CGI’d and overly predictable. All that, however, can be summed up even better. As always, the BBFC told you all this in their rating.

Rated 12A for Sustained moderate threat and one use of strong language.

Moderate threat. That is all.

MTFBWY

Brown or Black and White?

It is almost a crime to find problems with films starring Michael Caine. He has proven, over a long and varied career, that he can bring parts to life, and he shows no signs of stopping as his time on-screen is, by his own admission, approaching its end. His latest film is Harry Brown, and whilst it is a very good film, I do have a bit of a problem.

For those who haven’t heard, this is the story of an ex-marine vs. the estate hoodies. when his wife dies, and his best friend beaten and stabbed to death, Harry Brown is left alone. He become a vigilante whose aim is to hunt down and kill those evil hoodies responsible for his friend’s death. It’s a revenge film from the point of view of a victim, and therein seems to lie the problem.

It’s being heralded as a “wake up call” in newspapers like the The Daily Mail (Well, “news”papers) and held up as an example of how these horrible hoodies need to be treated. That is to say that we should all get guns and shoot them. Or stab them, or blow them up. The film basically says that vigilantism is the way to go with these thugs, and that the police, who are displayed as overly inept, are entirely worthless.

It is an overly simplified version of what it is to be a “hoodie”. Caine, whilst researching for the role, talked to some kids on the estates that he grew up on himself many years ago, and said that it was more often than not a problem stemming from the family background than something that happens “just for entertainment”. It is touched upon in the film, where an older skin-head is in a car, forcing one of the youths to perform a sexual act on him, before Harry shows up. This youth having already had questions raised about this type of act earlier in the film. This is however only a small part of the film, and not really given any screen time beyond passing comments, and that five second scene.

Whilst Caine is on true form with this film, the same can’t be said for Emily Mortimer, although the problem there may be more that of the part than her talent. It is, however, good to see a director able to use a black screen so effectively. At a time when films feel the need to fill every frame of their run-time with something, using 3D to poke the audience in the eye, and blowing everything up with CGI it is somewhat refreshing to see Daniel Barber know how to cut to black effectively, and how to use people instead of a computer.

So whilst I can’t say that I agree with what the film says, it is enjoyable, if just to see Michael Caine on full form again, and as a break from CGI-fest, end of the world, In 3D films it is something I greet with open arms. That said, I will be going to see 2012 at some point, so wish me luck.

MTFBWY